Subject: FW: Family is Everything
From: "Ron Hellyer" <[email-masked]>
To: "'Fatherhood Foundation'" <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 10 Apr 2007 18:23:00 +0930

10th Dec 06

 
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Issue 224 - 4th December, 2006 	Go to our website Here
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*	Hello Ron <>  

*	Grandads <>  

*	Laughter <>  

*	Single Dads  <> 

*	Special Feature <>  

*	Thought of the Week <>  

*	All You Need is Love <>  

*	News  <> & Info 

*	Dad's Prayer <>  

*	Help Us <>  

Hello Ron

 

Kim Beazley uttered these famous words 'family is everything' in his speech
after his ignominious defeat at the hands of Kevin Rudd, and on learning of
the sudden death of his younger brother. For Kim, it was a very difficult
time, which made his response all the more significant. 

Having worked with Kim Beazley and John Anderson in our first Fatherhood
Forum for parliamentarians held in Parliament House in March 2003, I feel I
can share in his pain. Kim suffered the pain of divorce and separation but
went to great lengths to stay involved in his daughters' lives. His
daughters adore him for it and there is no doubt in my mind that Kim's
sentiment about family is absolutely genuine.

Another man for whom I have a great deal of respect and who is personally a
great inspiration to me, has also had a difficult time of late. That is Tony
Miller, founder and president of Dads in Distress: www.dadsindistress.asn.au
<http://www.dadsindistress.asn.au/>    Tony has been sharing with the whole
wide world his own journey of pain, grief and hope after his eldest
daughter, Shannon, was admitted to hospital in a coma.  Shannon was on life
support for 39 days. We published Tony's call for prayer and support through
our newsletter. Dads on the Air did the same. It would seem that the world
was interested and prayed for Shannon's wellbeing. I went to Penrith to be
with Tony and pray by her bedside. If we are to share in each other's
victories, we must also share each other's pain: as Thoreau said, 'The mass
of men lead lives of quiet desperation'. That's also the reason why what
Tony is doing through Dads in Distress is so important. Men need a safe
place to tell their story. Tony's work is part of the answer.

As Tony Miller says in the introduction to his diary
www.dadsindistress.asn.au/diary 

"On my journey as the founder and national coordinator of this group I
travel all over the country. I meet many, many people from all walks of
life. We hold weekly meetings all over the country and it is here I am able
to listen and learn from a huge variety of people who are with me on this
journey called 'life'. I take away something from every meeting I attend.
And hopefully I leave something behind. I want to tell you about what
happens, the good, the bad, the sad. I want you to come with me on this
journey. 

It is an absolute honour to share in someone's life even if only for an
hour. As we sit in our meetings listening to another share part of his life
with us we consider it a huge honour and we honour the person by having a
moment's silence when he is finished, just to reflect on what has just been
said and of the courage of that person in sharing part of his life with us.
This is a very special journey, I hope you come with me and share it. I can
promise you it will be different and I can promise, you will get much out of
it."

Sadly Tony often gets attacked for having the humility to share his journey
with those of us that need his encouragement, by men who have nothing better
to do. As Tony writes, "The fatherhood movement doesn't need feminists to
pull us apart, we can do it very well ourselves." (See Tony's full article
in the Single Dads section of this newsletter) His article is a must read. I
only got halfway through it before I had tears streaming down my face. Why?
Because Tony Miller is man enough to tell the whole world he has failed. I
am still trying to hide my failures, but Tony has the courage to share his
with the whole world, warts and all. What has really touched me with
Shannon's story is not just her miraculous recovery, but Tony's absolute
devotion to the well-being of his daughter.(I can assure you that when I saw
Shannon lying there in the Intensive Care Unit all my faith drained out of
my shoes. She was thin and gaunt and seemed beyond all hope. It was the
combined prayers of thousands and perhaps tens of thousands and the
miraculous intervention of our Father in heaven that helped Shannon turn the
corner.) 

Tony hardly left Shannon's side for seven weeks. He said, "I lost my
daughter many years ago, my choice, not hers. I was not about to lose her
again." 

The bottom line is that Shannon knows for sure now that her father loves her
and that's the message we have to give our children. What more can we say??

Lovework

Tell your children you love them this week.

Yours for more love

Warwick Marsh 

PS Christmas is coming and I have a good idea for you. 

Why not give some of your friends a gift subscription of the Fathersonline
Weekly Newsletter? This won't cost you anything but it will help someone
else and also help the Fatherhood Foundation to reach more fathers. Our goal
is to help children by resourcing dads to become the Best Dads in the World
for their children. 

The easiest way to gift the Fathersonline Weekly Newsletter to a friend is
to: 

1) Forward your newsletter to them with your Christmas message, and
explaining your gift to them. 

2) Forward their First Name, Surname and email address to
[email-masked]  

We will then subscribe their name so that they will keep getting the
newsletter all year long and they will know that they will not be getting
spam.

Regards Warwick

___________________________________________________________

Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for 31 years. He is 
the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 25
years to 14 years.  Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public
speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself.

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Grandads

 

It takes time to be a good father.

It takes effort - 

trying, 

failing and 

trying again.

Tim Hansel

 

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Laughter

 

THIRTY LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE
 1..  My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he
was God and I didn't.
 2..  I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
 3..  I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
 4..  Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
 5..  I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
 6..  Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.
 7..  You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
 8..  Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
 9..  Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
 10..  I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.
 11..  Out of my mind.  Back in five minutes.
 12.  Sudafed, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning
medicine.
 13..  God must love stupid people; He made so many.
 14..  The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
 15..  Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
 16..  Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
 17..  Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
 18..  Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
 19..  Procrastinate !!!  Now !!!
 20..  I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
 21..  A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
 22..  A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
 23..  Stupidity is not a handicap.  Park elsewhere!
 24..  They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.
 25..  He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
 26..  A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand
times the memory.
 27..  Bacon and eggs.  A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment
for a pig.
 28..  The trouble with life is there's no background music.
 29..  The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
 30..  I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

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Single Dads 

 

My apologies for not writing these past weeks. I came home exhausted,
dropped out of circulation and tried to regroup. Shannon is home,
struggling, tired, but she is home and she is alive. Hers, mine and maybe
yours has changed slightly as a result. I still get messages from people,
some prominent, some not so, who take the time out to ask if I'm ok or how
is Shannon. I cherish that, I cherish their concern. It tells me there are
good people in this world, kind, compassionate, caring people. Thank you for
being there in our time of need.

Recently it was brought to my attention that some kind hearted person was
posting my posts from this site to another dad friendly site, Dads on the
Air. It was in their forum entitled 'Tony Miller's Daughter'. If you wish to
read it, type in 'Tony Millers Daughter' in Google search. As it turned out
some people decided it was an opportunity to have a go at me. The question
was asked, what is 'dids' really about? Is it about dads or is it about Tony
Miller? Why does he keep posting his private life out there for all to see?
All this had nothing to do with Dads on the Air, who by the way run an
excellent service to many dads in need. (New site www.dadsontheair.net
<http://www.dadsontheair.net/>  ) They were just running their forum as it
should be, allowing men to express their thoughts, their emotions, their
needs. Much the same as we do in 'dids'.

I didn't reply as I did not want to blow any wind into anyone's sails. But
as it turned out many came to my and 'dids' defence. I am forever humbled by
their defence of what we do. I thought I would reply here, as you are the
ones who keep us going. I am sure it will be posted to those that need to
know or who maybe are interested in hearing the truth.

I put my life out in public view not because I relish it, but because if I
expect men to walk into a dids meeting and honestly open up about how they
feel, where their going, what the past has been like, the good, the bad, the
ugly, then I have too. I cannot expect someone to do that, unless I am
prepared to do the same. I don't like airing my dirty washing here or at the
meetings. But if I expect others to do so and get any benefit from what we
do, then I must also do the same. It's called leading. I may not like it,
but I cannot expect to ask someone else to share their life with me or with
my facilitators to share theirs, unless I also share mine.

With regards to my daughter, I make no apologies of my calling for prayers
to spare her life on this site. I am a big believer in the power of prayer.
Whatever your faith, that's up to you, not me. I asked the readers to pray
and the Good Lord heard their prayers that I know. My daughter is home now
with her partner and with her son, as it should be. I was and still am a dad
in distress who needed help and a multitude of good, caring, compassionate
people came to my aid from all over the world. Many were from the readers
and the good people who run dads on the air. I will be forever grateful.

As I have written here in the past, I lost my daughter many years ago: my
choice, not hers. I was not about to loose her again. I am only human, I
have made many, many mistakes in my life and I still do. I can stuff up on a
daily basis, often even hourly. But the message we deliver to dids is,
"that's OK", you're only human, you're here, you're working on it, that's
all that matters. Being a dad is a tough enough call, being a weekend dad or
being estranged from your kids is even tougher. You're OK, we are here to
help, you have MATES now who understand how you feel. It's that simple.

The Good Lord didn't walk with the healthy. He walked with the prostitutes,
the tax collectors, the unhealthy. I put myself into that class and I
wouldn't mind betting that most of my blokes are in the same class. We don't
push any religion down anyone's throat, we simply come from the point of
love and compassion to our fellow man. We are not angels and we don't expect
to be treated as such. And that's the key, it doesn't matter where you have
come from, be it good or bad. We simply extend a hand in friendship,
mateship. That's the problem with the fatherhood movement. We don't need the
feminists to pull us apart, we can do it very well ourselves, thank you. In
my experience working with blokes we tend to implode on each other very
well, sadly, whether it be ego or whatever, I don't know. I don't know, I'm
not an expert, but I find it sad. If you wish to pull that apart then go
ahead. Quite frankly, you can go to buggery and I will pray to the Lord that
he makes it comfortable for you.

With regard to the furniture offer, I appreciate your offer, it was
gracious, but to be honest I know of only a handful who have a $1000 to
spare for a dining setting after a tough divorce and if they did, they could
just about fit their whole house out for that. However, it was passed onto
our groups if anyone was interested. I am sorry if no one took up the offer.
I was busy keeping my daughter alive when you wrote and left it to one of my
lieutenants to answer. I feel he did that, more then appropriately. You
could have phoned me personally rather then making it a public slanging
match but to be honest, I would have been more blunt: 02 66 528113

At our conference recently one of our beautiful guys in sharing stated he
asked his then wife what she wanted for her birthday. She stated she wanted
a divorce! He said, "I wasn't thinking of spending that much!" 

By the way I am heading off to England, Iceland, Amsterdam, Germany,
Switzerland and Italy in February, backpacking on the cheap with my
beautiful boy, one on one, getting to know each other and getting 'dids'
groups happening over there. If you wish to have a whinge about that, go
ahead, I couldn't care less. It's OUR time to be together. It's also an
opportunity to help our mates over there. Any readers from those areas who
would like to meet up, Patrick from Ireland, if you're fair dinkum about
kicking a dids group off over there let me know and I will make it happen my
friend. Shame we couldn't be more focussed on mateship then pulling each
other apart because we don't get what we WANT.

Tony Miller dids

 <http://www.dadsindistress.asn.au/> www.dadsindistress.asn.au  

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Special Feature

Some Thoughts

from Smart Marriages

 <http://www.smartmarriages.com/> www.smartmarriages.com 

The first year of marriage is like wet cement - the impressions made in it
are much harder to change once it has set.

Robert Wolgemuth

_________________

One last point about how talking to your man is different from talking to
your girlfriend. By and large, a man wants the bottom line. Cut the amount
of prelude by approximately ninety percent, and you'll get it just about
right.

Instead of saying, "Honey, my mom went in and the doctor diagnosed varicose
veins.  She's going to have to get them stripped, which will make it very
difficult for her to walk for a couple of weeks.  As you know, she lives all
alone now, and the only person who can help her is Mrs Jenkins, who just
visits twice a week, on Thursdays and Fridays.  Mom's going to need more
help than that."

Trust me, you've probably lost him by that point.  

Instead, try this: "Honey, my mom is having surgery next week and needs some
time to recover. Do you mind if she stays with us for a few days?" 

If he wants more information, he'll ask for it. 

Keep it short. 

Kevin Leman, 

Making Sense of the Men in Your Life

__________________

"Don't discuss sensitive subjects before dinner. Eat first. My husband is
very irritable when hungry."

Renee Flager happily married for 50 yrs, New York City - Everlasting
Matrimony

___________________

The most important marriage skill is listening to your partner in a way that
they can't possibly doubt that you love them.

Diane Sollee, smartmarriages.com  

__________________

A happy marriage is the world's best bargain.

D.A. Battista

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Thought of the Week

 

I lost my daughter many years ago,

my choice, not hers.

I was not about to lose her again.

Tony Miller

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All You Need is Love

COPING WITH CREVASSES

Harry Benson in the UK

Family Trust newsletter

'Stable' relationships? You must be kidding.

Marriages work in cycles. 

The virtuous cycle looks like this: I'm nice to you; you're nice back to me;
I now want to be nice to you; and so on. Positive feeds on positive. The
positive cycle usually ends through neglect or forgetfulness. The fire's
burning pretty well and we enjoy the heat. But then we forget to keep
feeding the fire with fuel. Imperceptibly, it starts to burn down.

The vicious cycle looks like this: I'm not nice to you; you're not nice back
to me; I now don't want to be nice to you; and so on. Negative feeds on
negative. The negative cycle usually ends because one person makes a
determined effort to get the fire going again. Of course it's more
difficult. But eventually the fire catches light and burns brightly again.

The idea of normal relationship cycles is really important for anyone who
desires strong marriages and great relationships. The politically correct
like to talk to us about the benefits of a 'stable relationship'. The
concept is nonsense. Relationships must necessarily go virtuously up or
viciously down. What they cannot do is remain stable  i.e. stand still.

I was reminded of this uncomfortable truth just a few weeks ago. Not for the
first time, my own marriage fell into what I call a 'crevasse'. We have
these ghastly moments from time to time. Things look pretty bleak. Our
friendship has gone astray. Neither of us are feeling valued. The busyness
of life has allowed us to drift apart. We're no longer connected. And of
course I've forgotten to practice what I preach.

All of a sudden, the little irritations, annoyances or arguments seem to
take on disproportionate significance. This is the time when leaving the cap
off the toothpaste tube is a deliberate act of war. Chewing too loud is an
offensive habit. As for the increasingly obvious differences in our
personalities, well, maybe we are utterly incompatible  and have always been
so. Our differences may seem brilliantly complementary in the good times.
But they make us horribly incompatible as we fall into our crevasse. Our
cycle hits rock bottom.

And yet, I made a promise many years ago. This is the time of 'poorer,
sickness, worse'. Despite the enormity of the task, despite the misery of
the situation, one of us has to choose to light the fire again.

Weeks on, we've reconnected and are back in the top half of the cycle once
again. We went away to a hotel for a night, away from our various working
roles and our six children. We remembered that we actually quite like each
other. Life is good.

I'd like to think that one day there will be no more crevasses. Alas, the
odds are that our cycle will repeat itself. It starts with a high, as best
friends, showing how much we care for one another. We make time for one
another because we know it's good for us. Making time is easy when we're
getting on well. But then the discipline flags and we drift. At first we
barely notice. Then we forget to make time. We forget to connect. It's not a
deliberate thing. It's an omission. Subconsciously, we now begin to avoid
time together because we know we will have to do things or confront issues
that aren't so easy now  like apologies, forgiveness, compliments,
affirmation, having fun. As the positives fade, the negatives start to gain
ground. Then comes the crevasse.

Even if the cycle is likely to repeat itself for us sooner or later  and
we're probably safe for six to eighteen months or so  maybe this is a good
time for you to think where you are on your cycle. Do something about it
now. Feed the fire of your marriage regularly. Regular time and regular
reconnection are the starting points.

To subscribe or read past newsletters: http://www.bcft.co.uk/newsletter.htm 

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News & Info

 <http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,20312376-421,00.html> 

Marriage and Money Matters by Bettina Arndt

Read more:
 <http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,20886591-5007146,00.html>
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,20886591-5007146,00.html

 

Letters

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

Just wanted to thank you for the great work you are doing, like bringing out
Brian Molitor. His visit to our church still has guys talking. 

Your newsletter and website has been helpful too. I would love to touch base
with you sometime. 

Blessings

Rob Koch

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

I just loved this weeks newsletter, sometimes your newsletter is the only
thing that keeps me positive. Thankyou.

Colin

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Dad's Prayer

 

 

Dear God

Help me not to stuff up, but when I do

please forgive me!

Pick me up, dust me off, pat me on the back

and get me going again.

God help me do the same for my own children.

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Help Us

Click here for more information about us
<http://www.ausheart.com.au/fathers/about/index.html>  

Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity. 
Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of
harm. 

The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence  in
fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved,
protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and
their children's mother.

If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public
Fund and receive tax deductibility:

Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund 
(Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax
deductibility)
Westpac Branch Wollongong
BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558 

Or mail cheque and address details to:
PO Box 440
WOLLONGONG  NSW  2520
AUSTRALIA

The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund  is a public fund listed on the
Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income
Tax Assessment Act 1997.

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